(Human) networking is making friends

Newsletter Feb 6, 2024

I just learned that Data Mishaps Night extended the call for speakers until Feb 7. So by the time this post goes out, there's still about a day left to submit a talk. If you have an interesting story of when you made some mistakes while working with data, please consider sharing it with a very understanding crowd of people who will collectively empathize and say "Oh no" with you. I highly recommend it. I also had published short anonymized notes of last year's event if you want a taste of what goes on there.

Since last time I was talking about computer networking, I figure it's worth talking about human networking also since that's another arcane pit of horror. As it happens, my little gamedev conference just had a talk on networking for game devs this year and... the data world honestly needs some of that knowledge too.

Early in my career in the late 2000s, "networking" was essentially discussed as a form of schmoozing. It was a very salesperson oriented view of the world. You go to trade shows, conferences, and other industry events. You'd just somehow start talking to other people there, find common ground, share information, and maybe build a professional relationship. I have no idea how any of that process works because I utterly cannot imagine a scenario where that works for me.

As you can imagine, a lot of people were creeped out by the very idea. People like myself who were, on top of being introverted, have a HUGE amount of trouble in ambiguous social situations like "a conference hall full of strangers" it was the same as trying to set foot on the far side of the moon. In my younger years, I could go to an event and not speak a word to another human aside from the staff at registration. Heck, unless I'm speaking at an event or have friends to meet, that is still my default state. It's why I remind people to say hi to me if they see me because I'm just that terrible at initiating social contact.

In a world where social media was only starting to take root, sleazy-networking was... if not a necessity, at least the most time-efficient way of expanding one's professional network. For people who rely on connections and introductions to succeed in their work, like people in sales, this work came with the job and people eventually just branded it into a skill that everyone should(?) participate in.

If only my younger self knew that this wouldn't be the only way to build a social network to rely on. So I figured I'd share some of the little ways I, as someone who literally has trouble understanding human interaction, have managed to navigate networking for work.

For me, the two key points I learned was to first just be helpful, and expect to see no "results" for years. But so long as people enjoy actually working with you, eventually, many years down the road, it will eventually pay off in unexpected ways.

The slow and steady way

Hands down the easiest way I built my network, and initially the only way for me in the pre-Twitter/Reddit social media era, was to just make friends with coworkers. I might be completely hopeless at initiating conversations with strangers at any event, but even I'm capable of making friends if I have to work with the same group of people for years on end.

Since my days as a data analyst essentially revolved around helping other people solve their problems, I just kept helping everyone out as best I could, over and over. Luckily, I'm personable enough to not offend people. Over time, I built a reputation around my work. Then, as time passed and everyone moved on to other companies, I discovered that I "knew someone" in random far-off locations. While most of those people are out of my immediate circle these days, I connected with a number via LinkedIn and hopefully they remember who I am if I ever need to reach out.

While none of these connections are useful in helping you find opportunities in the present because you're all working in the same place, they become increasingly valuable over time because these people really know who you are and how you work. They are much more capable of telling people that you are either good, or bad, to work with. You never know when that extra weight can make or break an opportunity.

Growing friends organically through work is effective, but tends to be quite slow unless you're either changing jobs a lot or work in a place with extremely high turnover. Luckily(?!), in 2024, we also have the smoking remains of the current social media landscape to work with.

It's currently a bit of a nightmare to connect with other data people on the internet right now. To my utter horror, Linkedin is one of more connected collections of data folk around these days, even if I refuse to use it more than occasionally. But regardless of which networks you decide to frequent and use, the basic rules of networking remain the same.

Just keep having good interactions with people in a way where your interaction partner is likely to have a positive experience with the interaction. Maybe they need some help with an issue and you've recently dealt with it (or know someone who does). Maybe they enjoy lighthearted banter or serious discussion. Help share their work and successes. So long as in their mind the interaction was positive, they have little reason to block you.

Over time, with little positive interactions happening over time... you might even become internet-friends. Having lots of internet-friends is great because you don't have to travel to meet with them! (Wait, am I the only one excited by this aspect?). It's also possible to have many, many internet friends, and they're going to be from all over, and maybe one day in the future you'll get lucky and one of them will randomly be in the perfect position to help you when you're in need.

Events, but less thirsty

Beyond being a good coworker and constantly online, you can still network at professional events. But instead of treating it like a task you must complete by forcing yourself to make introductions and get uncomfortable, just find whatever ways works for you to communicate with others.

Many people have noted that talking to people at a conference is significantly easier if you happen to be giving a talk. You'll almost always get a couple of people lining up to speak with you afterwards. Maybe you'll find someone fun to talk with and continue the conversation later. Other people have volunteered at events which gives you a new pool of temporary "coworkers".

Or, make some internet-friends and meet up with them. Odds are, they know other people and thus can help introduce you.

Essentially, just spread positive interactions wherever you go

So am I suggesting that you just go through life blasting love and peace and joy wherever you go? Well... yeah? Just find your own way of doing so.

Maybe if someone posts a new project and is asking for feedback, be helpful there. Contribute to a community event in some way. Write a newsletter that shares cool work others are doing. There's endless ways to help others in a genuine, unforced fashion, and people take notice of that.

If an asocial hermit like myself can manage it. I'm sure you can too.

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I’m Randy Au, Quantitative UX researcher, former data analyst, and general-purpose data and tech nerd. Counting Stuff is a weekly newsletter about the less-than-sexy aspects of data science, UX research and tech. With some excursions into other fun topics.

All photos/drawings used are taken/created by Randy unless otherwise credited.

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